grav-i-ty

grav-i-ty

(n): The force that attracts a body toward the center of the earth.

(n): Extreme or alarming importance, seriousness.

(n): Serious behavior; seriousness; solemnity and seriousness in somebody’s altitude or behavior, the seriousness of something considered in terms of its unfavorable consequences.

Center. Importance. Serious.

Pretty dressed up, fancy words to describe the action that was taking place—like a waterfall, like the rain from the dark clouds—how else would my tears  fall?

I was finally watching the critically acclaimed movie “Gravity” starring one of my most beloved actresses, Sandra Bullock. My clock on my bed stand mocked me about the “forgotten hour” my tears were falling but I couldn’t help it. I am an erratic sleeper and a DVR comes in handy for an insomniac like myself.

“3:34 am”, it whispered in the dark

I paid no attention because I was too busy taking inventory of the raw emotion that occupied my being at that moment. I wondered if my fear of space was actually a lifesaver from me watching it in theaters. 

There was no way I could explain away my wet face to those accompanying me. The runny mascara and smudged blush would have given me away.

“There’s something in my eye,” would have been professed so much, they would have thought to take me to the ER I’m sure. Thank God my tears could give way to gravity without the presence of judgmental eyes.

Not only was I happy to watch this movie by myself, curled up in the middle of my bed—tissue lying over the sheets; I was so grateful for the pause button—to pause the action while I took the time to weep. The emotions were so real and so strong. I was so completely unprepared for it.

“What Do I Do? What Do I Do?”

Now before you start thinking I am just another typical woman who gets overly emotional, let me assure you that I am not. I was taken off guard myself.

Why was I crying?

I was weeping because of how much this movie resonated with me, at this moment, at this time, this place, this phase in my life.

Feeling so close but so far, feeling helpless and weak when your inner strength is the only thing accessible for you to carry on; being thrust into unforeseen situations where there is no time to assume—just time to do. Hearing only your own voice, struggling to stay in good company and good spirits with and within yourself despite how contradicting the current situations are displayed.

I feel as though I too, am floating through space of endless possibilities, not knowing what is or what will be but hoping and praying for the best with each turn, with each jerk—focusing myself so I won’t become victim to the silence.

“You’ve Got to Learn to Let Go”

The part where Matt (George Clooney) unhooked himself from Ryan (Sandra Bullock) was by far one of the most emotional movie moments ever.

Why?

The complexity of it; there was a clear battle of mentalities. She was so afraid but unconcerned about herself; he was at peace and he too was unconcerned about himself.

The contrast of reactions to the same situation.

I envied Matt, his acceptance of his unforeseen fate and the discipline to choose to have the perspective he did towards it.  He was able to counter act the fear by not being bitter or resentful.

As she struggled to stay conscious, he still stayed true to his rank, instructing and advising her in a relaxed non-judgmental way; all while floating into imminent space that silently welcomed him.

“I’m coming to get you!” she alleged through heaving breaths, her face losing its luminous glow.   “Ryan, you have to learn to let things go”, his parting words as he became one with the universe only to known as a memory.

Finally having a feeling of safety, she looked down to Earth, to find a revolving hurricane in progress yet she still had a want and desire to return—even in the face of destruction in her sight.

“I Remember This”

Déjà Vu is something that has become an embedded fixture in my life. Ever since I was a child I can remember that “out of body” experience of “remembering the present”.

The paradox is that I expect it.

There is fear with the sensation. The fear of the possibility that there is more at play than the human eye can observe but your heart and spirit do.

In my 26 years of life, I am certain of one thing: the heart and spirit are keener and more in tune than our minds will ever be. They are wiser, more equipped and more experienced than the years we accumulate on earth.

How is that possible?

Once again I refer to the movie; think of the dramatic change in courage and strength of Ryan. She went from feeling terrified to being at peace; hopeless to hopeful—all in the matter of a short and critical time.

There was no remote to change her from this to that mode, it all came from inside her from places she never knew existed but yet there it was at her disposal, hidden deep within her heart and spirit.

So I couldn’t help but self-reflect on my own and what was hidden yet to be exposed and tapped into.

How much am I truly capable of?

“Launch to Land”

“Get your head out the clouds!”

“You need to plant your feet on solid ground.”

“You can find yourself at the bottom, on the floor.”

I remember overhearing this during “grown-up conversations” as a child and being perplexed by these conversed contradicting oxymorons.

“Grown-ups are stupid,” I would say under my breath.

So imagine my surprise when it was put to action before me, in this movie. I now understood the riddle, one of the many riddles to life that is.

One would think that planting feet on the ground is so simple that even the most incompetent can accomplish it.

If only it were that easy.

One of the most frustrating things I’ve encountered on numerous times in my adult life is the difficulty in not only doing but realizing the small necessities in life; like crawling before you walk and walking before you run.

“How and why did it take me so long?”

After wasting precious and valuable time wrestling with this conundrum, I realized how irrelevant the question was to begin with.

Why should it matter how and why it took so long? It wouldn’t change the fact that I reached my “destination” for that current season.

I realized I could both sit in shame and ignore the fact of my personal internal achievement or I could hold nostalgia and lessons of the journey and be grateful.

 The amount and variation of gravity to give it, is in my hands and in my control and I choose to pick the positive perspective.

“Either way, it’s going to be one hell of a ride.”

-Dr. Ryan Stone, Sandra Bullock

“Gravity”

@BMynroe

(RaChelle-Denise)