My air-conditioner was playing it's regular tune.
My ears seem to
open before my eyes in the morning. Mainly because my beloved sleep mask
forbids the sunlight to enter without my permission.
I’m
so fancy!
The silence
began to give way to a miniature rhythmic thump, Thump, THUMP!
I know this
routine all too well. This was day 5 of awakening to a new day accompanied by
my notorious migraines.
“Coffee”, I
managed to say aloud in a sleepy drawl.
As I made my way
to the coffee maker, my Victoria Secret robe catching wind with each grumpy morning
step.
The
first pretty “walker” ever.
I had made up my
mind that I was going to sleep in. It was Thursday, which meant the only agenda
for “BMynroe
Embodied” was #ThrowbackThursday.
Thank
God!
I settled my way
back into my bed, my Marilyn coffee mug in hand.
“Please Jesus,”
I prayed.
I did not feel like
vigorously rubbing any spilled coffee out of anything. I reached for the
remote, focused on channel surfing because the only thing airing at the crack
of dawn was news.
And I wasn’t in
the mood for hearing the routine announcements about someone dying at the hands
of gun violence, an identified body being found, another innocent drug-addicted
baby being born or the war between humanity here and across the seas.
It’s
scary how I am used to it all.
My finger froze
when I saw the set recording taking place.
Bishop T.D Jakes
was passionately speaking to his flock and I was, like always, automatically
captivated. It had been awhile since I had taken in one of his sermons.
“Are
you going to ignore it? Is there something better to watch then what’s before
you?”
The
voice!
I sighed as I
placed the remote control down, trying to mentally prepare and center myself
for what was about to take place.
“Let me get the
tissue, pen and paper.”
Class was now in
session
Opportunity in Opposition
“My new normal is where great miraculous
things take place, at the same time, Devil’s are trying to kill me.”*
I hold a special
place in my heart for Bishop Jakes. His sermons, his messages, his teachings
debuted themselves in a very trying and difficult time in my life. And in my subconsciousmission
to find what was “missing”, his voice is what guided me.
Confession: I am
a very stubborn, bull-headed woman, not out of spite or intent but out of
instinct.
I
chunk it up to being a Virgo.
So to have
someone to resonate with me and leave me with a hunger and thirst for more-- I
know they are someone special and deserving of my undivided attention.
God is working
through him to get to me.
“Opposition” had always left
a bad taste in my mouth; just the word being pronounced had me seeing red.
Why?
I have spent
countless hours, days, years and seasons up against opposition and have not won
all the battles. Call me a sore loser.
“The challenge of my life is to co-exist between two things that are
totally true but my perspective is the only thing that makes a difference”*
Water began to
cloud my vision because I knew this to be so very true; in a sense, painfully
true. I was humbled by the fact that this man, this amazing teacher to the world
of all listening creed, color and nations was clarifying something that I had
realize not even a month before.
Bishop Jakes had
clarified that with each day I am at war for my mind and the key to success was
not in the material or tangible things, instead the key was held deep within my
own mentality and outlook.
I
have the power!
“I cannot change the variable, only my
perspective.”*
Don’t Despise Small Beginnings
“It will not be a lot of thunder or a lot of clouds but instead
small clouds with big rain.”*
In order to
understand the concept of my next disclosure, I must first establish my family
history and background.
I am bred from a
very unique family combination. My father’s side consists of much generational
prestige. Architects, former staff writers for “Teen People”, second in command of a national store brand,
graduates of Howard University and other HBC’s (Historical Black Colleges),
elbow-rubbers with the elite of the elite.
My mother’s side
consists of genuine, shameless, lovable country-bumpkins with pure Red Cherokee
blood flowing through their authentic veins. Childhoods consisted of nicknames
ranging from “Hen”, “Tadpole”, “Ponyhoss”, “Bullhooka” and “Scuda Buck” (my blue eyed Great-Grandfather);
raised in 3 room houses, 4 to a bed protected by a tin-roof; haunting yet
hilarious tales of midnight strolls to the outhouse and a bloodline of
legendary moonshiners, my mother’s father being the King with the nickname
“Shine”.
I am
the spawn of oil and water.
Being conducted
within the realm of high end and dirt low has created much strife in my journey
as a person, my purpose and my identity; not to mention the criticism and
complaints I got and get for “not doing enough” and “not living up to the
family name”.
Since I’ve
become an adult the jeers have lost their filters and become more current and
more ruthless.
You
haven’t lived until you’ve had people try to live through you.
It’s not that I
am lazy or that I don’t have aspirations and it most certainly doesn’t mean
that I expect things to be handed to me.
I know the
sensation of working to the edge of exhaustion of both mind and body. I know
what it’s like to feel deflated and run on nothing but fumes, barely able to
construct a decent and coherent thought.
I know!
Which is why
when Bishop Jakes spoke on “small beginnings”, I couldn’t help but feel touched
and comforted but most of all, heard by God.
"Why
are you even trying?”
“You
are just one girl in a small southern town that no one has ever heard of!”
“It’s
not like you’re in the big city with paparazzi following you! No one cares
about you!”
I care.
What I don’t
care about is the present circumstances that clash with my aspiration and
dreams for my future. I don’t care if my cousins are bringing home a 6 to 7
digit paychecks and I only acquire 5. I don’t care if I am in a town where my
regular made-up face and coiffed appearance stands out like a fish in the
desert.
If anything, I
am humbled and at moments feeling quite blessed.
Why?
Because once I do begin to see the fruits of my labor
and faith in the tangible and preconceived notions those around me have--I will
have, be and stand on the truth.
The truth that
it was not gotten easily and instantly; and it most certainly was not handed to
me! It would be acquired by my perseverance, my faith and the belief in the
Word and Promise of my God. I’ll take that path any time, any day.
Bust a Move!
I had finally
clicked the one single word that I grew so apprehensive about: Publish.
My Facebook page
had been under my construction, only unbeknownst to me and my sister. Now that
it was published, “BMynroe Embodied” is open for the world to view and judge on
the world’s biggest social media site.
I
could not be more nervous.
I have become
more involved and dedicated to my blog, posting weekly instead of on inconsistent
and unforeseen days and times.
I have ventured into
other social media revenues and subcultures. I have a vision of making me, “BMynroe”
into a brand; and the hunger and drive increases with each passing day.
In my order to
do so, I would have to continue to promote, display and inject myself into the
world on the regular; putting myself in the spotlight of all to see, not
knowing what’s to come of it—relying on my blind faith to lead me.
“BMynroe
Trends” is the child of tireless and endless nights of brainstorming,
research and self-reflection. I am attaching my name to material and I want to
stay as true and authentic to who I am, what I believe and what I stand for. So
of course I invest much time and energy into finding what resonates with me.
After a
successful and promising 3 week trial run, a Facebook page seemed to be the
next proper step.
But what a risky
step it is.
I know that
upgrading my exposure is going to fulfill its very purpose: expose; to both
potential fan and potential haters.
“The more success I encounter, the
more opportunity there is to be envied.”*
The latter
statement is not as egotistical as it sounds, at least I don’t intent for it to
be, and the same as Bishop Jakes; but the truth is the truth.
The truth is that
the opposition and the envy is so dangerously close to success. In its
proximity to me it’s displayed in the very people one would assume would
encourage and inspire me. Hence, it’s common sense to deduct that I am close to
success.
“The risk of being bitten is
getting up.”*
Emancipation Proclamation
“On
September 22, 1862, Lincoln had issued a preliminary proclamation that he would
order the emancipation of all slaves…”
The date of that
statement and fact of history was all it took for it to be forever embedded in
my heart and soul.
I celebrate the
birthdate of the announcement of upcoming freedom. I celebrate the birthdate of
new found hope. I celebrate the birthdate of an answer to multiple prayers. I
celebrate the birthdate of the declaration that the hundreds of years of
enduring of hurt, pain and strife were not in vain.
Bishop Jakes declaring an Emancipation
Proclamation for creativity, vision, favors and blessings overflowing, seemed
to break the last bit of composure I had. My core had been shook. I don’t believe
in coincidences. Preconceived chaos is orchestrated by a divine power and
happens for a reason, a reason that will present its self in due time.
This
was one of those times!
“The blessings God has in store for you is so big, so massive,
it’s beyond your highest thinking! It’s far beyond human comprehension!”*
Throughout
mankind’s history, we have participated in the practice of encouraging people
to dream and chase after them; some lead to genocide and some lead to
overcoming obstacles and changing history for ever.
For this mental demonstration,
picture the Wheaties commercials with the present day All-Star athlete,
flashing their pearly whites, giving a high thumbs up for dreams and a balanced
breakfast.
I
wonder.
Do we really mean it? Do we really inspire
people to go against the grain, walk onto the stage into the spotlight,
exposing themselves to some of the most harsh and dedicated dream smashers? Are
we wishing them the best with all our hearts? Is it genuine?
Until one has
dared to chase after their aspirations and be met by demons, pain and betrayal
wrapped in opposition, one doesn’t truly know the origin of encouragement.
Until one has
experienced the loneliness and exile of that of a dreamer, attempts of empowerment
hold little merit.
Until one would
rather be looked down upon, then stop looking up at the stars; until one
experiences more hate than love just because their vision is one never seen
before, those “inspiring words” are
nothing more than words.
“Surrounded by adversity, in a world full of
haters; you got so many bills piling up, so many liabilities at hand, so much
opposition, yet you still dare to dream.”*
Who
Does She Think She Is?
“I am going to be the best me I can be. I am
going to do all that I can do, even if it means you hating me. I’m going for
it.”*
I had made this
up in my mind a year or 2 ago. Once it was said and declared by my mouth into
my life, onto my heart, mind and spirit, the jeers and animosity became louder….
but un-nerving.
That acquitted anxiety
I had rooted within me became excitement.
The fear I had
allowed to be installed became fuel to push past oncoming collisions set to
distract me.
That quiet hope I had kept in moderation had
become my fire-burning passion.
All of those
components helped produce “BMynroe Embodied”, the first step
into making the vision I have come to life.
Someone asked me
where I hoped this will all go. What do I plan on doing with all of this,
what’s the end result?
As I sat there,
thinking, I realized how unconcerned I am about “the future”.
I am not delusional, of course I take into
account the things that transpire and I do focus on what the next step will be.
It’s one of my assets.
It isn’t because
I am not making moves or drawing up plans. It’s not that I am not taking responsibility
for my life and fighting everyday for the direction it intend for it to take.
It’s because I know one of the greatest
examples of success is doing what you love, having faith and watching it
blossom and exceed all expectations.
Who am I to
limit the possibilities by tapering it to fit the carnal mind of those who
couldn’t possible understand the vision I have? It would be the greatest
injustice.
I responded in
the most truthful way I could:
“I
plan on being happy, dying without regret and leaving all that I have here
because I used every bit of talent and ability God gave me.”
My hopes and
dreams are not that of the secular world, I am not led by what can be seen or
heard. For my guidance and empowerment is more divine and sacred than what the
world can understand or duplicate, so I will gladly walk and stand alone, alone
but wide awake.
“I pray that you become all that God has called you to be and I
pray about everything else that you do not quit. For you are closer now than
when you first believed. Hold on!”*
-Bishop T.D.
Jakes
@BMynroe
(RaChelle-Denise)
(((* Quotes accredited to Bishop T.D. Jakes)))
