Team Of One

                                                           

Team of One

I look to my left…no one. I look to my right…no one.

Look to my front and I see nothing but I dare not to look behind me at the past I’ve walked away from. It brings up too emotions that have had a hold of me my heart, soul and mind for so long.

People are funny in a way that makes your eyes cross. Opinions of others, not my own, play like a sound track to my everyday life. Over and Over again I hear the taunts of my “flaws” being thrown at me. The anger my “flaws” seem to cause.

It makes me sad. It makes me cry.

I knew from a very young age that people’s opinions of me were going to follow me everywhere I go yet it hurts when people’s opinions are so full of hate, belittling and completely false that wear me out. It’s been wearing me down that it’s making me question my own ability, my own goals and achievements.

It’s become a poison so interlocked in everything of me I can’t tune it out.

According to the world and chose others, the woman I think I am is far from what I hear in the opinions. Why do I never hear a co-sign on my thoughts, my feelings, and my life?

Why is it always faced with no, No, NO!

The pressure of it all is so painful considering the fact that there is an assumption that I have no feelings, that I am not a real person, dealing with real personal problems. Sometimes I feel as though my head is going to explode with all the opinions crammed in. And then I realized…

”Why should I care? What they are saying is completely false. Sure, I would love someone on my team once in a while instead of facing an army alone and confused but why should I care?”

I’ve realized one of the toughest and bloodiest battles a person will encounter is the fight for self-confidence in the face of all the negativity and unapproved.

At first it’s tough, it is. It hurts, it stings, it lingers, it rests in the deepest darkest place in your heart but when enough is enough, when you can no longer live in such conditions of your mind, perspective and out looks—when finally grow tired of being tied down by others weight, to reach in the set it afire and just focus on yourself: your feelings, your dreams, your goals, and your truth.

While reaching toward that place of self truth, you find that you truly have many phases where you are a Team of One but it’s up to you to stand up with the courage and say, “I’m on MY team. No one else’s. I am a leader not a follower. Even if that means I have to lead and follow myself”

 I’ve prepared for the battle ahead of me while enforcing this Team Of One mentality cause not only will it create more tension, it’s going to create many more attacks ordered to break me down but instead will become my victory and testimony.

Yours Truly,

@BMynroe

(RaChelle-Denise McKinney)