BMynroe I Am and This Is "miUNREALity": Pretense Opposed

Pretense Opposed

I was in awe and trying my best to fight off the shame of waiting so long.

She is AMAZING!

I have always considered myself a devoted Beyoncé fan. I knew she was going to be a legend when she released her first solo single “Work It Out”; that I still to this day will sway and sing along to.

I was in the midst of creating “BMynroe Trends”: a way of self-promotion and self-exposure; opening doors and creating connections for when I start my YouTube channel: “Faced by BMynroe”. It has become a 9 to 5 job, which I am willing and happy to do; playing Beyoncé’s “Flawless” contributed to the enthusiasm.

I smiled at the video concept and was so delighted to see her claim her throne in that certified “Virgo Woman” way: Nice Nasty.

I am a Virgo Woman!

As I continued to stare at the screen that had finished playing the video if not 30 seconds earlier, I was brought back to reality when I read the name featured on the song: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.

Who?

I had envisioned the speaking voice on the song; she was just as constant in my ear as Beyoncé. Her accent. Her presentation. Her point. It was just as embedded as the chorus of “Flawless” and then…second nature kicked in. The journalist in me had become curious as to why Beyoncé had picked this particular woman, with this particular point. The Virgo in me had resonated with her message. I had to find out more.

Who was Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie?

∞

“I often make the mistake that something that’s so obvious to me is just as obvious to everyone else.”

-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

I had come across the video “We Should All Be Feminists” on the TedxEuston Channel. It was the actual lecture/speech that Beyoncé had sampled for the song and I wanted to watch it from beginning to end. Why was she saying those things in the first place and how could EVERYONE be a feminist? Questions reserved to be answered as the video played on.

She is so gorgeous!

I couldn’t help but laugh at the dry humor she incorporated in this captivating lecture. I couldn’t help but resonate and apply what she was saying to my own mentality. She had welcomed so many of my thoughts, beliefs and emotions out of that comfort zone, that wasn’t so comfortable to begin with.

I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t demented. I wasn’t delusional. There was nothing wrong with the fact that as a woman, I had never aspired to be married, have children or start a family.

Not planning for it anytime soon.

∞

“Because I am female I am expected to aspire to marriage. I’m expected to keep my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is most important.”

-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

I have been single for a while now. I haven’t dated in some time and I haven’t been looking to change it. I didn’t understand how rare that was until having a conversation with my bestie. I adore her so and accredit so much of me becoming the woman I am today, to her. We have that “Virgo/Aquarius” friendship; like Beyoncé and Kelly. We balance each other out. We may have different contents but we are manufactured the same.

She wants the marriage, 2.5 kids and white picket fence. And just because I am not in that frame of mind doesn’t mean I look down on her any less. She is going to be an awesome Mother and ideal Wife when the time is right but I just couldn’t shake the conflict within me.

Is there something wrong with me?

I have definitely had moments where I question the woman within me. Why did I not aspire to be what we as women, had been programmed to be since the beginning of time? Why did I not want what seemed the routine of my gender? Not wanting it at the present moment was understandable; I am focused on making a name for myself and developing BMynroe as a brand but I had never even considered any of it, ever.

What color, for what wedding?

∞

It’s time for me to come clean and put something into the universe that I’ve only allowed a total of 3 people to be privy to: I’ve always dreamed of being famous…

Don’t judge me!

It’s true and I am pretty sure that it has been clearly obvious to some but it’s a whole different story for me to admit. Now that I know it’s on file, I feel rather “exposed” and almost “transparent”. But in order for me to make my point, I must first state its founding truth.

I believe I have never admitted it because I never wanted to be labeled as “one of those girls”. You know “those” I am referring to: the ones who are so superficial it’s frightening. The ones with piss poor morals, full of themselves and having zero contribution to anything of worth and value.

A Kim Kardashian wanna-be! *I am huge #Kimye Fan BY THE WAY!*

This “dream” has been in my heart since I was able to mentally take note and form the memory; that little girls dream morphing into a woman’s vision over time.

So many times I’ve tried to silence this desire. So many times I’ve tried to assimilate my heart to the set reality. So many times I’ve tried to discredit the dream—because I was wanting what seemed impossible according to my current circumstances and situations but it’s always been so much stronger than I.

As if it had already been in existence before me.

Another reason for the secrecy was to avoid “the looks”. The looks of confusion and almost pity to my aspirations; their eyes said it loudly:

“Poor thing. She’s so out of touch with reality; a child trapped in a woman’s body.”

How I HATE “the looks”!

“We teach girls shame. Girls grow up to be women who cannot see they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think. The worst thing of all is that these girls grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form.”

-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

∞

To Hell with It!

I have already become more dedicated and focused on “the dream”. I have taken time to self-reflect, mediate and pray about what to do with this “dream”; what I wanted to accomplish; what I could do to get things rolling but most importantly I mediated on how much I truly wanted it. This is so much more than an artificial desire; this is part of who I am.

The writing, the make-up, the modeling, the fashion, the promotion, the networking…this is what I am good at. These are all talents and passions of mine. This is what comes naturally to me; so much so that I had subconsciously majored in Journalism to further my education and skill.

I thought it was just because I loved words.

When I tell people my major, a condescending expression arises; as if Journalism is the end all, a dead end career. And I must admit that I had a stint after graduation where I questioned all that I did because there were not ample opportunities for a recent graduate to showcase her talent. I questioned if I had signed myself in debt for nothing more than a piece of paper. Journalism is a very cut-throat nice nasty industry, in front and behind the camera—but I’ll save that tea for another day.

*hint*hint*

But had I never had ventured into this industry, I would have never found my voice, my identity. I would have never discovered my likes and dislikes; my pros and cons; and for those purposes I will forever stand by my major. I can’t fathom anything else closer to my passion.

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and that. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive.”

-Harold Whitman

∞

Be careful what you wish for…

The question I am sure you are asking for me to answer in this post is: “How do you want to be famous?” GREAT QUESTION! I asked myself the same thing while in deep mediation. Like both of my Grandmothers would always advise me when I would drift into my childhood past time of wishing and hoping:

“Be careful what you wish for because it just may come true.”

What’s the point in wishing then?

But as I’ve gotten older and become more observant of the things and people of my generation, I understand the subliminal message within the forewarning of the women before me. There are different levels to different things. There is no black and white. There is no set guideline that applies and fits to all. The same goes for fame.

There are people famous for providing great insight that has lasted hundreds of years. There are people famous for serving mankind and creating breakthroughs for future generations. There are also people who are famous for their lack of remorse and morals. And some are famous for the most horrendous acts ever accounted for.

What level am I on?

∞

“Don’t expect people to understand your grind, when God didn’t give them your vision.”

-Anonymous

I want fame for my words, my messages, and my mind. I want to fame for my individuality and creativity that gives credit to those before me. I want to be known as someone who thought outside the box, not for attention but for a wider perception that spoke to those who felt unheard. I want to provide happiness and confidence to women of all shapes, colors and sizes. I want to be the voice of a generation that has been in search for one. I want to take all that I have encountered: the pain, the tears, the triumphs, the lessons and apply them in to my writing—lasting forever and being the standing truth in a swirl of assumption and misunderstanding that has forever surrounded me.

BMynroe is not just another “fancy” name. No simulator suggested this name. I created BMynroe. It isn’t someone I “wish” I was or that I “pretend” to be. BMynroe is who I am. There is only one and I have worked, crafted and fought for this name; I will continue to fight until it becomes a brand. And once it does become one, I will continue to fight, strive and uphold the authenticity, integrity and transparency of BMynroe because it won’t and isn’t just be about me, it will be and is about those who believed in me when everyone else said it couldn’t be done.

That’s what I want to be famous for.

∞

As I write this, I am so grateful for Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s courage, strength and voice. Getting through to Beyoncé is one thing but to spark my interest that blossomed into pure empowerment is something I will forever be grateful for. Her intellectual and eloquent lecture gave such confirmation and volume to the quiet voice in my heart.

I am no more or no less of a woman because I don’t aspire to marriage, motherhood or family. I am not to be looked down upon because my heart is set on higher aspirations then my own vision can comprehend. Who am I, better yet who are “they”, to say that by reaching for the stars, obtaining the impossible will not lead to marriage, motherhood and a family? Who says I can’t have and do it all?

Maybe… I’ll be famous for that too!