Self-Discipline a Must...

Self-Discipline a Must….

       

       As a woman, I know all too well the many “check-lists” that we create mentally, many without trying and others done with extreme thought and consideration. For instance, on my “Perfect Other” checklist he has to be a tasteful smooth dresser and practice good hygiene; he has be educated, respectful, funny and can deal with my bossy yet lovable personality.
 I mean, compromising is done out of love. Those are just a few boxes that have to be checked in order for him to advance; sad but true. It is a highly-qualified job, I mean—position.

       Then there are other mental checklists that lounge about: make-up (eyebrows must be identical, multiple applications of mascara, highlighter, lips looking desirable, etc.); wardrobe (no wrinkles allowed, no unflattering bulges or lumps, accessories must compliment look, etc.); scenery (everything goes in its right place, no disorganization, clean, neat, etc.)---just to give you an idea as to the endless check boxes that wander about within my mind in effort to satisfy my, what seems to be, impossible high expectations.

       I will admit that these check-lists are extremely superficial, one of my personality traits that I try to catch before spiraling out of control and could contribute as to why I am currently single, stubborn and extremely picky. I am entitled to be picky but then again, what would I be if I weren't just as picky about myself, my inner self? That my friend is what is known as a textbook hypocrite and through out much reflection and self checking I've found myself to be. 

Oh the shame!

       I am dissatisfied with the following empty check boxes: highly financially stable, manages time well, non-procrastinator, not easily stressed. If I were interviewing myself to live my life I would laugh in my face and point out the many qualifications listed that I was so painfully lacking. “Thank you for coming in, we will keep in touch” I would pleasantly say while motioning to the exit. 

Silly rabbit!

       I know the precedent is a bit extreme but it’s a colorful and creative way to admit that I am disqualified due to me being such astray from the most requested if not most crucial qualification: Self-Discipline.

       Self-discipline is paramount to me missing the rest of the high expected competences; it’s what keeps me from advancing to the next level.

        I do not believe that seeing potential in oneself is arrogant although it can cross the line into narcissism. The very fine line that separates is seeing the flaws along with the potential. 

Being able to say, “Yes, I believe I can be and do better than my present but I have a lot of work to do in order to achieve it” keeps one from living in a self-centered disillusion. 

With that said, I have much work to do and ahead of me in order for that inner check list to be done.

       So the question is why don’t I practice self-discipline more often? Why can’t I be stern with myself; because as beneficial as doing such would be, it’s one of the hardest things to do as an adult. Instead of being a big girl and doing what I should, no matter how less desirable it is, I do what I call justifying and giving bull infested reasons to my subconscious; me being the child looking at the floor and my subconscious being the mother with hands on hips.

       The older and more self aware I get the more disappointed and angrier I am with myself when I see the lack of self-discipline displayed throughout my actions. That once incapacitating pride I possessed is diluted by the desire to become a woman with strong and authentic character born out of hard work.

        Wanting to be a better person first requires the admission that there are things about us we don’t like, we don’t want to be. Shining light on the ugly truth that we prefer to keep hidden in the corner is the first step into growing past it. Indeed there is pain in some of the hidden hence it being hidden in the first place. I have had firsthand experience and look at the halt of personal growth being in denial can cause. It’s an entrapment that only oneself can navigate out of; terrified and all.

        So as many check-lists as I conjure up to be noted of and carried out among others to feed my high expectations, it’s only fair and now time for me to take what I dish out which will only give strength if not more credit to being and becoming a woman of my word. #WorkInProgress

“Always choose the harder right over the easier right”
- Anonymous

Yours Truly,

@BMynroe  

xoxo