Accompanied By...

Accompanied By…

I am a great fan and follower of literature. I enjoy works of poetry, philosophy, quotes, research; just to name a few.  Books have always been kind to me and the authors are considered those of wisdom and strong passion; some that I have grown to respect very much. My admiration runs deep; it is part of my identity.

There were and are times when words are the only thing that will get me through, it’s the only thing that my soul can process. Some call it an obsession but as a writer myself, I call it one of my passions, one of my loves. With that being said I decided to dedicate this particular to post to some whose beautiful words stuck and still stick to me today.

It just amazes me how a cluster of words can hold such power and meaning.

Honesty and truth in its purest form…

“Every storm is a school.

Every trail is a teacher.

Every experience is an education.

Every difficulty is for your development.”

-Pastor Rick Warren

“Life is an opportunity, benefit  from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise, fulfill it.

Life is sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is a tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is too precious, do not destroy it.

Life is life, fight for it.”

-Mother Theresa

“The expectations of life depend upon diligence; the mechanic that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools.”

-Confucius

“He who possesses most must be most afraid of loss.”

-Leonardo de Vinci

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”

-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

“Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous 

difficulties”

-Charles Spurgeon

My prayer is that these words of the wise touched a place in you that needed it. I pray that these words in some way brought happiness, insight, hope or courage.

I pray it brought you peace. I pray that these words stick with you and arise in times of trails and tribulation.

My prayer is that you survive your storms and overcome your battles. I pray for your victory.

I pray these words will live through you.

Yours Truly,

-@BMynroe

o 

Master Builder

Master Builder

Have you ever felt “out of sorts”, “scatter-brained”, or my favorite laymen saying, “out to lunch”?  Well, if you answered truthfully, congratulations and welcome to the club! There’s nothing like the surreal moment when you feel like you have lost the owner’s manual to yourself. Here’s one of my numerous accounts in the 

"Dance of the Ditzy".

Like many of my former post I confess and speak of my journey of self discovery; the hurdles and walls I encounter and the victories and improvements I make.  It’s something that I am highly committed to but it can tend to drive me a little crazy and that’s something I am already overstocked with.

I was lying in bed the other night watching re-runs and I realized that I had no clue what was going on in the program. I had been staring at the screen sure enough, but my concentration was somewhere else. I was engulfed with thought. The basis of my complex and frivolous thinking centered on me thinking about my pure self nature.

Here I was, up at 12:43 am, thinking about my “nature”, this journey toward self discovery knows no limits and importance of sleep. So like any other young adult of this generation with a random thought, I grabbed my phone and goggled. I am a believer in horoscopes and very adamant with standing on Virgo traits; it speaks nothing but the truth about me. But what about my exact birth-day:  September 22. What new things could I learn about myself and apply to my “nature”? Would it speak truth?

I came across a website that did exactly what I was searching for; www. birthdaypersonality.tumblr.com introduced me to the theory of me being a “Master Builder”; of course I read on.

According to “Birthday Personality”, my greatest challenge is learning to relax which is so true; not just relaxing in a physical state but in a mental/emotional state as well; the whole intuitive of searching in the first place gave basis to this.

“The way forward is to understand that downtime is not time wasted but time gained because you give yourself an opportunity not just to rest but also to recharge”; I chuckled at this because I do this without understanding the urge to do so and I have been labeled as “spoiled” and “self-centered” but it’s nothing but me being within my nature.

September 22 people tend to be multi-tasked individuals with excellent communication skills and have their own slightly eccentric but wonderfully endearing personal personality which comforted me. I have always been someone who likes to think outside the box and have no lost love by stepping away from the crowd if it meant being true to myself. There is a sense of fear that comes with it because it’s never my intention to step on peoples toes or disrespect in anyway so to know my personality has a trait to be enduring eases that fear of being a nuisance. And I’ve always said that those who can’t handle or deal with me need not apply to enter my life because I know I am a “one of a kind”.

“From an early age these people may have felt that they were here for a reason, and this explains their restless urge to constantly challenge themselves and make their mark on the world around them. Whatever it is that they feel called to do, they will follow their vision no matter how disruptive or difficult”; I almost fell to pieces when I strolled past this because it was as if someone had been taking notes of my inner feelings and spirit. My quiet whispers had been heard.  My heart jumped for joy because it was credited just for me, for my date of birth, for my nature.

There was a statement that indicated my ideals of fairness and equality and superior intelligence (their words, not mine) clash with those in authority over me; learning to compromise when necessary with can be difficult but make the transitions to success smoother.  I would be lying if I said I welcomed this with opening arms, to be honest I was mildly offended but the more I let it resonate, the more I realized it was truthful.

My nature isn’t intended to be a “trouble-maker”, which is how I took/take this when it surfaces. My nature isn’t to be “stubborn” or “bull-headed” which I have been characterized to be in the past and present. This trait of mine is something of a “realness radar” if you will, you cannot bullsh*t a bullsh*tter but the truth is sometimes I do have to “play the game”. Yes, it is a very difficult thing for me to do but to know when to pick my battles is something I’ve grown to detect; sometimes it’s just not worth my calling out and confronting.

As fun-loving and outgoing I can be, I do have a tendency to be very anti-social which has thrown many of my friends and acquaintances off; which throws me off. What seems to be very natural for me to spend nights at home, curled up with a good book or watching an intense suspense thriller, declining offers to go out, rubs people the wrong way.  “Anti-social!” they call me. 

Yet there is truth to popular opinion: social isolation is the biggest health risk for September 22 people because it will invite stress, anxiety and depression.  As much as it is in my nature to be alone, my need to be social is just as in my nature if not survival.

I made a commitment right then and there, “I need to get out more because my stress and anxiety has been out of control! I am going to overdose on myself!” I can just hear the whispers and rumors about me being deathly self-centered.

This new information is not my Bible, I will not be waking up with all of this on my brain but it is worthy information and most definitely fed my late night questionable quest to know more about my nature. “I act appropriately on my intuition” my power quote said and I could have not agreed more as I reached over to turn out the lights acting on my intuition to finally fall asleep.

Our inner nature causes us to relate, react and go about a certain way in life. There are acclaims and jeering along the way and plenty of petitions from some to “change our ways” but one can never really change their nature. Do you really believe in influencing a dog to stop barking because it’s annoying and suggest it purr like a cat instead? The suggestion would be preposterous if not downright delirious!

There’s room for error and there’s just as much room for improvement but to submit inner nature to other “suggestions” is such an injustice. It’s injustice to our selves, the people whose lives we are meant to touch and the Universe.

The vast Universe has a job to do.  Where’s the harm in a few extra stars that shine a little differently that the others?

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” 
–Carl Jung

Yours Truly,

-@BMynroe 

xoxo

Self-Discipline a Must...

Self-Discipline a Must….

       

       As a woman, I know all too well the many “check-lists” that we create mentally, many without trying and others done with extreme thought and consideration. For instance, on my “Perfect Other” checklist he has to be a tasteful smooth dresser and practice good hygiene; he has be educated, respectful, funny and can deal with my bossy yet lovable personality.
 I mean, compromising is done out of love. Those are just a few boxes that have to be checked in order for him to advance; sad but true. It is a highly-qualified job, I mean—position.

       Then there are other mental checklists that lounge about: make-up (eyebrows must be identical, multiple applications of mascara, highlighter, lips looking desirable, etc.); wardrobe (no wrinkles allowed, no unflattering bulges or lumps, accessories must compliment look, etc.); scenery (everything goes in its right place, no disorganization, clean, neat, etc.)---just to give you an idea as to the endless check boxes that wander about within my mind in effort to satisfy my, what seems to be, impossible high expectations.

       I will admit that these check-lists are extremely superficial, one of my personality traits that I try to catch before spiraling out of control and could contribute as to why I am currently single, stubborn and extremely picky. I am entitled to be picky but then again, what would I be if I weren't just as picky about myself, my inner self? That my friend is what is known as a textbook hypocrite and through out much reflection and self checking I've found myself to be. 

Oh the shame!

       I am dissatisfied with the following empty check boxes: highly financially stable, manages time well, non-procrastinator, not easily stressed. If I were interviewing myself to live my life I would laugh in my face and point out the many qualifications listed that I was so painfully lacking. “Thank you for coming in, we will keep in touch” I would pleasantly say while motioning to the exit. 

Silly rabbit!

       I know the precedent is a bit extreme but it’s a colorful and creative way to admit that I am disqualified due to me being such astray from the most requested if not most crucial qualification: Self-Discipline.

       Self-discipline is paramount to me missing the rest of the high expected competences; it’s what keeps me from advancing to the next level.

        I do not believe that seeing potential in oneself is arrogant although it can cross the line into narcissism. The very fine line that separates is seeing the flaws along with the potential. 

Being able to say, “Yes, I believe I can be and do better than my present but I have a lot of work to do in order to achieve it” keeps one from living in a self-centered disillusion. 

With that said, I have much work to do and ahead of me in order for that inner check list to be done.

       So the question is why don’t I practice self-discipline more often? Why can’t I be stern with myself; because as beneficial as doing such would be, it’s one of the hardest things to do as an adult. Instead of being a big girl and doing what I should, no matter how less desirable it is, I do what I call justifying and giving bull infested reasons to my subconscious; me being the child looking at the floor and my subconscious being the mother with hands on hips.

       The older and more self aware I get the more disappointed and angrier I am with myself when I see the lack of self-discipline displayed throughout my actions. That once incapacitating pride I possessed is diluted by the desire to become a woman with strong and authentic character born out of hard work.

        Wanting to be a better person first requires the admission that there are things about us we don’t like, we don’t want to be. Shining light on the ugly truth that we prefer to keep hidden in the corner is the first step into growing past it. Indeed there is pain in some of the hidden hence it being hidden in the first place. I have had firsthand experience and look at the halt of personal growth being in denial can cause. It’s an entrapment that only oneself can navigate out of; terrified and all.

        So as many check-lists as I conjure up to be noted of and carried out among others to feed my high expectations, it’s only fair and now time for me to take what I dish out which will only give strength if not more credit to being and becoming a woman of my word. #WorkInProgress

“Always choose the harder right over the easier right”
- Anonymous

Yours Truly,

@BMynroe  

xoxo

Confessions of a Control Freak

Confessions of a Control Freak

Nostalgia has been very frequent within my daily reflections that I make time to have. The feeling of being a child and feeling like all was possible; even becoming an Olympic gymnast who took home the gold, one of my many childhood dreams, along with marrying Tevin Campbell but that is another story for another time.

I remembered how different things felt to me, the cool breeze that would cause the leaves to blow, the satisfaction of a red pop-sickle and how grand my imagination was. I was so naturally creative and even more natural with sharing it no matter how out there they were judged. No fear of rejection from “grown-ups” and the “real world”.

So what do I occupy now? What happened? When did it change?

Some would say life, others would say growing up. But who said that growing up meant you had to stop believing and having hope. Who said that imagination is something only limited to children? Who said that you had to grow up out of your dreams? Why do we have to revoke that privilege, that right?

Holding on to my dreams has proven to be a life long struggle that will go on until my last days because I seem to never stop dreaming new dreams. But what seems to overpower such tribulation is having faith in myself, dreams, etc.

Based on my own experience, I’ve come to see that the need to be in control of it all is what weakens the faith. And when I say “faith” it isn’t restricted to a certain religion. I speak of the “power of faith” and when I say “all” I am speaking of actions, reactions, outcomes and essentials.

I remember when I had sat myself down awhile ago and made a “5-year plan”. I had year 1 planned, year 2 was just as meticulous, year 3 would be a trying year but it was only to get to year 4 that consisted of much more planning in order to achieve year 5. And year 5 would be the year of victory, that’s when I would be satisfied and happy.  Now that I think about it, I laugh inside and feel for myself back when. How more naive and narrow minded could I have been?

I will confess that I am a control freak who is very bossy, there is no denying that. I will also confess that even though these characteristics come in handy and are prominent in my personality makeup, they have also been the source and reason for series of depression and stress in my life. Yes, this diva knows depression well.

I have and still am learning the lesson that I am not in control. To be clear, there is no harm in having an idea and an expectation of where and what I want my life to be. I can strive toward the goal(s) but for me to actually consider myself in control is insane.

Some don’t believe in destiny, they say there is no such thing as fate. I consider myself to be a very open-minded individual but that is one notion I cannot agree with. For me to agree with that would be me turning my nose up to all that has unfolded within my life. It’s there in the blueprint.

Life is a journey and it doesn’t come with a “how-to” book. How great would it be if it did? Yet how boring and dull would life be? Food for thought…..

Along with being a bossy control freak, I am a thinker. I am always trying to get the facts; the who, what, when, why and sometimes how. I will sometimes sit up in the middle of the night and rack my brain trying to come to a conclusion about something that just…doesn’t…make…sense. I have to know.

But what to do when I don’t know? What to do when there is no explanation that I can fathom to make it make sense? Can I really just throw my hands in the air and say, “I don’t know! I just don’t know!”. I struggle with that, along with the headaches that follow. That’s an understatement, the migraines!

So, are there things we are just not meant to know? Could that be possible? The answer I have reluctantly accepted is yes.

Yes, there are things that come about that will blow your mind and leave you speechless. Yes, there are things that you wish you could resolve and figure out that will always remain a mystery. This is where faith becomes essential to moving along; faith in the process.

As a control freak and over thinker, faith is the only thing that keeps me sane. It’s the only thing that keeps me from busting at the seams from frustration.

Having faith in the divine, in the universe, in a higher power takes the pressure of my shoulders; it allows me to breathe and focus on things that are more positive and beneficial to me. One has to be very stingy and protective of their focus and time; limitation is a must.

Confession: I don’t have all the answers. I don’t have a crystal ball that shows what will be and the turns I need to take. There are days when I feel as though I am walking on eggshells and days when I don’t want to be asked questions because I will have to acknowledge I am in the dark. The horror!!! Me, feeling small?

I am learning to “go with the flow”, as corny as it sounds. To force life and things to go the way we think they should be is such an injustice to oneself and their dreams. Hope is build on the unknown, faith is what holds up together from day to day and dreams are what helps us get up when we fall.

I have such a strong belief that having big dreams is not childish; it’s actually something I consider very noble. To stand in the face of all that was, is and will be and have faith in your dreams is a grand thing! It’s a beautiful thing. It’s what builds character and identity. Your dreams are yours, never let the past or unknown take it away. Never let life intimidate you out of living. 
Dream Out Loud!

“I believe God is managing affairs and that he doesn’t need any advice from me. With God in charge, I believe everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about.”       

-Henry Ford

-@BMynroe

   xoxo

The Approval

The Approval

              

   That need for approval keeps me locked away from myself…..         

It’s grown into a dangerous addiction,

A dangerous obsession.

These four walls are built with the plenty uninvited but so expected criticisms that I get.

The blueprint of my mind only gets smaller and tighter by every devastating blow of rejection.

The pressure on my chest grows heavier, growing stronger than I expect.

It gets harder to breathe because my surroundings are negative; the only energy "this place" knows.

The overhead lights are so dim. There's no light bright enough for me to see my own reflection, let alone know it.

All I can go by is what they perceive, assume and feel about me.

Although my sight is blinded by the overhead harsh lights,

My hearing is still intact.

I hear them.

I hear the jumbled reviews of the person that is me,

The person they want,

The person they look down upon,

The person they want me to be.

I never see the faces, never know the names.

But I know the voices, the jeers.

I know them well.

 Those assumptions and opinions become my guide,

no matter how contrary and contradicting they are.

No matter how inconsistent and impossible they bore,

I allow them to sink into my subconscious,

Sinking into a nice warm place in my soul,

Vowing to never share the sacred place.

No communication,

 No connection,

 No life source springs here.

Just a check list given,

 Of all that I have done wrong that will never be forgotten…

And certainly not forgiven.

Only the sound of my panicked, worried and tired heart beating seems to accompany the quiet;

Although never strong enough to break the silence.

There is no room for error,

 For some believe I've had my fair share.

There's no room to grow.

There's no time to come into my own.

"NOW! RIGHT NOW!" is the "encouragement" I receive.

The need for approval is deafening,

I sometimes lose myself.

I miss myself.

I’ve left myself somewhere down the road,

 In the surrounding fog of life.

 Whenever I do get a wave of my voice,

My distinguishing voice,

 I question if it's mine or someone else.

It seems so far away.

Is my voice being used as a ruse to walk deeper into a trap?

A trap,

 Which I will be so deep into,

Before I realize I’m in danger.

It will be too late.

The approval---

 From others is something that I never asked or searched for.

It’s something that disguised its self as

Love, as only,

Suggestions that led to demands.

Wolf in sheep’s clothing,

Slowly creeping to me as if shy,

Yet only studying and mastering my fundamentals,

Leaving me feeling like a fool.

I've learned it's a side effect of being human and human is all I know to be....

-@BMynroe

xoxo

(RaChelle-Denise McKinney)